I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
