its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
