I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
