I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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