apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
