i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
