new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have fence marks all over my body
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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