all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
