Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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