piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
