my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
