I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize