Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
