Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
