I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize