I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
