today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
