I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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