my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
