sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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