so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize