too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
