Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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