i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
