If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
