I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
