I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
