This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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