Small penises have feelings too.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
