Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
