i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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