people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
