you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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