I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
