Christians are straight up FREAKS
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize