do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize