The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have grass duct taped all over my body
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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