Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize