Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
