This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
