He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
