yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize