if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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