I just saw a hot homeless man
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
