hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
