no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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