Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
