i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it's great music for shaving your balls
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
