If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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