i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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