but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
