He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
