My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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