1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
