Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
