he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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