I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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