I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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