you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
