If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
